As you may have noticed I haven’t written a blog in a little over a week. It hasn’t been for lack of interest or want to do so; I’ve just been waiting for the “perfect topic.” I normally go through my days and usually some circumstance will happen or someone will say something to me, and I’ll think to myself, “Wow that would make a great blog.” But this past week…NOTHING!
I’ve been literally trying in my head to “force” things into a blog. Mulling situations over, digging into the past, just desperately trying to come up with something to write about. And still NOTHING! I admit, I had a few ideas that came to me that I might have been able to make into something, but none of them felt right.
At first I was getting pretty frustrated with myself. I felt like I must be doing something wrong if I’m not “getting inspired.” I must not be listening enough. I must not be doing what I’m supposed to. Maybe God isn’t happy with me. I was in this circle of self-degradation for a few days, when I finally realized that wasn’t how God wanted me to think and I told the devil where to go.
You see, we have an enemy that will take every little opportunity to try to get us off track. He will try anything to get us down on ourselves and out of the game. I had to remind myself of the the verse in 1 Peter 5:8 that says, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
The enemy is active in trying to get us away from God. He had me questioning my relationship with God and how much God cares about me. He had me questioning whether I should keep writing this blog, because not that many people read it anyway…
You see how negative those thoughts can be? How harmful they can be? That isn’t what God thinks nor what He wants me to think.
I know God cares about me and I know He loves me and I know I have a relationship with Him. I know all of these things, but when we aren’t vigilant about our thoughts, the devil can plant seeds of doubt and hate really quickly.
So why wasn’t I feeling inspired to write anything for this blog? I finally came to the conclusion, that just because we are doing what God told us to do, doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy all the time. It’s not always going to come in a little package tied with a pretty bow.
I realized that we aren’t necessarily going to hear from God every step of the way.
Sometimes we just have to stay the course that God has placed us on.
I know that God wants me to spread His word and bless others and this blog is one of those ways that I do so.
I know that it blesses me to write it. I hope that it blesses those who read it, too.
But last week I was just struggling to come up with anything that I felt was “worthy” enough for people to read. I felt like I was just floating out there by myself and that God had forgotten about me.
It makes me think a lot about David and the Psalms that he wrote. Psalm 13 is almost exactly how I was feeling.
“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” (Ps. 13:1-2).
I am not trying to relate my issues with the struggles that David went through, but I was definitely feeling that way. I felt like I was yelling up to God, “Hey! Yoohoo! Down here! Can you hear me?”
What I had to remind myself of, just like David, was that God doesn’t forget about us. He knows exactly what is going on for us, He just may not answer us in the way we think He should.
I have learned that lesson so many times, you think I would remember it by now, but I have to keep reminding myself. Just because it doesn’t look like we think it should, doesn’t mean that God isn’t involved or that He doesn’t care.
He always cares and is always watching out for us. We have to remember that His plan may look different than ours sometimes.
David goes on to say,
“How long will me enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes or I will sleep in death. My enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me” (Ps. 13:3-6).
In my case, I did let the enemy triumph over me for a few days. I got stuck in a slump and a circle of negative thoughts and I couldn’t get out of it. But the important part, as David points out in the end of Psalm 13, is that we still trust in God, even when we feel like He is far off.
We have to remember the times that He did make us promises and He did feel close to us.
We have to look to His word and trust that God is there even when we don’t feel like He is.
We have to trust that even if He isn’t walking us through every step, He still is watching over us. Just like a parent sending their child off to school and giving them their independence, God lets us step out on our own and make decisions. He doesn’t need to tell us every single step to take; He wants us to learn and start to take steps on our own.
So even though I didn’t feel like I had the “perfect” topic to write about, I knew that I am still supposed to write. It would be easy to just say “screw it” and give up this blog, but I am choosing to stay the course and not let the enemy talk me out of it.
I am choosing to trust God and what He has taught me and even though I feel like I’ve got nothing, to someone else it might be everything.